So it is very weird that my last post over a year ago, I was announcing that we were expecting a little boy. I am hoping to start writing again, and hopefully at least some people will read it. But I can't promise anything that I will keep up with it either! Anywho!
So a brief catching up to do!
For about a year now I am having been Nanning/babysitting for a few different families in South Weber. Honestly it is the best gig ever!!! I started watching this little girl named Laynee, and I know in a few short months I won't be anymore. Laynee has been my best friend and the best thing that has happened to me since my son passed away. I am not sure if her parents know how much this little girl means to me. I started watching her I think just one month after Colton, and I was SUPER hesitant. She was just a baby then and now she is full on toddler! I know Colton sent her to me to help me heal. I am going to cry so hard when I have to leave for good!! She is a little cowgirl and brightens my days 3 days a week!
Nick and I now live in West Haven, and we pretty much love where we live. Cookie has a backyard now, it feels like home. The only downside is living so far away from Lauren and Nick has 50 min commute to work everyday. But it is nothing but horse land and big factories everywhere. Although, I will say in the nicest way I can, Nick and I decided when we do buy a house, we DO NOT want any neighbors. Neighbors don't really like us. I don't really know why, it might be because we have a dog or because we wake up early to go to work but it seems that we just bother people! All well, what can you do?
On the baby side of stuff, which is a pretty big part of our lives now. I found out that I have a gene mutation, there are several different factors and I have factor II. My mom has it, it is where your blood clots a lot more than normal and you are at higher risk for blood clots especially during pregnancy. One of the side effects of factor II is losing a baby after 20 weeks. I am pretty sure that is the worst side effect out there, it really doesn't get worse than that. My mom has had to deal with blood clots ever since my brother was born. Anywho, well now I am blood thinners. I have to take an aspirin everyday and give myself a shot in the stomach everyday until the baby is born and six weeks after delivery. Today was the first day that I had to give myself the shot, and I have given lots of shots to people before in various places! but on your self and in the stomach is hard! My doctors told me that this isn't the reason why Colton died, even though one of the side effects is losing a baby after 20 weeks. I was relieved because I am content with my answer being that he was needed elsewhere. I listen to the baby's heartbeat everyday on a doppler that I have at home. That has been a HUGE help, because I am a totally different person when I worry.
"Life is great" as my Grandpa Bennett would say. Life really is great. But honestly life is very hard. I catch myself sitting on the computer clicking on pictures of my family and my son and just completely crying uncontrollably. Then other times, I am so happy because I know what I have! I know what I have to look forward too, here on earth and in Heaven. I gave a talk a couple of Sunday's ago and I said, I have never felt the veil so thin in my life! I thought it would go away as time healed my wounds but it didn't, I feel as if I am serving a mission right along side with Colton. I appreciate that I have that opportunity.
I wrote my Grandma Evans a letter right before she passed, and my Aunt Connie read it to her while she was lying in bed. One of the things I told her to ask was too ask Heavenly Father and Colton to please send Colton a little brother or sister, and here we are 10 months later expecting. I also asked her to give the Savior a hug for me, and these past 10 months and have felt the Savior give me a hug back.